Dark Night

St. John of the Cross is speaking to my deepest heart this week.

I've been reading his Dark Night of the Soul, which, in just a few short lines, illuminates the sealing of the senses and passage from communion to union with the Beloved. But, there's so much more to what St Theresa of Avila called "the most angelic human being I have ever encountered". Such a powerful soul, he endured the torture of his own brethren beyond limits any mortal could endure: kept in dark and wet solitary confinement, beaten by other priests to the extent that he became permanently crippled, developed acute dysentery, not given a change of clothes nor allowed to wash for months at a time. Yet within this betrayal he managed to open his heart further to the Beloved, and pen some of his most enduring works:

"I am dying of love darling, what should I do?"

And the Beloved responded,

"Then die my sweetheart – just die. Die to all that is not us; what could be more beautiful?"

busted, broken, forgotten

 

if you're looking for a good thing
if you're looking for a clean heart
looking over this way
is not a very good start
been hanging on an old line
been living in a fixed time
been sticking to the same moves
and now I'm busted broken forgotten
old and worn and used
it's ok i know it now
and there's nothing like the truth
in anything that i can still do
in anything that i can still be
if there's a part of me that's still true
it's trying to promise what i cannot prove
so in the daylight you will see me
as not a definite or real thing
just as a shadow left to shifting
now that I'm busted broken forgotten
lost beyond all use
it's ok i know it now
and there's nothing like it
false signs and faulty lines well they may be excused
but how will time forgive me all the damage that they'll do?
so baby I'm leaving yeah I'm packing up and moving away
you'll never see me the broken boy is leavin' today
and you'll never find me from the pieces scattered all along the way
cause they're bound to fade
now that I'm busted broken forgotten
lost beyond all use
it's ok i know it now
and there's nothing like the truth

• Ollie Brown.